STUPID WARNING LABELS (8-2004)

If you take a look around, there are all kinds of things in 
the world that just do not make any sense. I might even go 
so far as to say they are stupid – that is, created by 
people who obviously didn’t give the situation much thought. 
Some of these things are downright annoying; others are 
merely humorous.

Let’s start with the annoying ones. 

In most states, motorists can turn right at a red light 
unless there is a sign prohibiting it. But almost 
invariably, when you approach an intersection that has two 
lanes of traffic going in the same direction, the left lane 
is reserved for turning left at the light while the right 
lane is used for either turning right or going straight. 
The intersection of S. R. 252 and U.S. 31 in Edinburgh is 
just one example of where you will find this type of lane 
designation. 

But if you want to turn right at the red light and there is 
a car in front of you going straight, you have to sit and 
wait. If the highway department were to mark the left lane 
to go straight or turn left and reserve the right lane for 
right turns only, it would alleviate this problem.

While we’re on the subject of highways, why do I sometimes 
see a sign marked “Bump,” or “Rough Pavement”? Instead of 
erecting a sign, why don’t they just repair the pavement? 
It’s another example of highway department stupidity.

Another stupid idea that turns out to be annoying for the 
consumer is the “easy open package” that really isn’t. For 
example, I buy quite a bit of the Eckrich smoked sausage. 
The package has a marking in the corner that says “Open 
Here” with an arrow pointing to where you are supposed to 
be able to pull the two halves of the plastic wrap apart. 
I’ve never been able to do it without using scissors.

And then there is that hard plastic shrink wrap. The 
packages, some of which hold pre-paid cell phones or 
portable stereos, don’t claim to be easy open. But I wonder 
how many people get injured trying to extract the contents 
from these packages using a sharp object to slice through 
it.

Stupidity also has its humorous side. Take for example some 
of the inane warning labels you see on all types of 
consumer products.

For example, there is a sign in the drive-through window at 
Hardee’s that says, “Hot beverages are served hot.” Well 
duh! 

Then there are the bags of peanuts served on airlines that 
say, “Caution: May contain peanuts.” Or the box of nails 
with the warning label: “Do not take internally.” Or how 
about the can of lighter fluid that says, “Warning: 
Contents flammable.”

Medicine labels are especially bad about posting stupid 
warnings. A box of children’s cough medicine said, “May 
cause drowsiness. Do not operate heavy machinery.” How many 
kids do you know operate heavy machinery even when they’re 
not on cough medicine?

I saw a candy bar label once that featured a contest. It 
said, “No purchase necessary - Details Inside.” And a box 
of pudding once warned, “Product will be hot after 
heating.”

Now kids are not as intelligent as most adults, but even 
they aren’t stupid enough to require this warning label 
found on the tag of a Superman costume, “Warning: Wearing 
of this garment does not enable you to fly.”