“Support our troops.”

The bumper stickers are everywhere. You know those ribbon-
shaped stickers that started appearing a few months ago and 
now seem to be on just about every other vehicle on the 
highway.

Now, I don’t have anything against those who wish to 
support our troops. But I’m wondering how those ugly 
stickers are doing the job of supporting them. 

The dictionary says to support means, “To bear the weight 
of, especially from below,” or “To provide for or maintain, 
by supplying with money or necessities,” or “To aid the 
cause, policy, or interests of.” 

Those stickers aren’t holding the troops up in any physical 
manner; they are not supplying them with any money or 
necessities, and they are not aiding their cause in any 
substantial manner. So I still don’t really know what it 
means to “support our troops.”

Could it be that by simply displaying a bumper sticker 
urging its readers to support our troops we think that we 
might change the minds of those who choose not to support 
the troops? 

In reality, the stickers would be more accurate if they 
read something like, “I support the concept of what our 
troops are doing,” or “I support the idea of bringing our 
troops home safely.” Of course, that would be a little too 
unwieldy for a small bumper sticker. 

I guess what bothers me most about those stickers is that 
people put them over perfectly good paint jobs. Bumper 
stickers are an eyesore. They can damage the paint and they 
often don’t blend in very well with the vehicle’s color 
scheme. 

Some vehicle stickers are unobtrusive, even classy. Take 
the “Jesus fish” for example. Whether you’re a Christian or 
not, you must admit the plain little fish not only yielded 
its simple message, but did so in a classy manner. And they 
almost looked as though they had been factory installed, 
along with the logo of the car maker.

Then, somebody started fiddling with perfection. They 
started getting that in-your-face look about them. The 
Jesus fish that actually has the word “Jesus” inscribed 
inside it in big letters screams at you. It also tells me 
that maybe I’m not sophisticated enough to figure out what 
the plain, unadorned little fish had to say.

And just as tacky is the lampoon version of the Jesus fish, 
the one that has “Darwin” inscribed inside of the fish. And 
the fish has legs, representing some form of evolution.

I’ll admit bumper stickers can be amusing. We’ve all seen 
the one that says, “If you can read this, you’re driving 
too close.” And then there is the one that provides a 
subtle slap at Christianity which says, “Born OK the first 
time.” But my favorite bumper sticker is the one that reads, 
“I hate bumper stickers.”

I guess bumper stickers have their place. And far be it 
from me to advocate the abridgement of one’s freedom of 
speech. But it’s my opinion that bumper stickers should be 
relegated to vehicles that are at least 20 years old and 
rusty. They blend in better on a car that’s already tacky.