TOP 10 REASONS TO BUY BOTTLED WATER (3-2003)

In my last column, I complained about companies such as 
Pepsi and Coca-Cola taking advantage of consumers by using 
their marketing skills to sell the public on bottled water. 
Studies have shown that bottled water is neither healthier 
nor tastier than most tap water. 

But it costs 1000 times more. In fact, the container it 
comes in costs more to produce than the product itself.

However, in fairness, I must confess that there are a few 
good reasons to purchase bottled water. I came up with only 
ten of them. In fact, I have listed them in a “top 10 list” 
below. So here are the Top Ten Reasons to Buy Bottled 
Water:

10. You can empty out the water and use the plastic bottles 
to meet your goals for a recycling drive.

9. Since some states require merchants to give a cash 
refund for empty beverage bottles, you can buy a bunch of 
bottled water in Indiana and take the bottles to Michigan 
for cash. But what do you do with all that water? For the 
answer, see #8 below.

8. Use the water from 9 and 10 above to fill your swimming 
pool or hot tub, where you can charge admission, claiming 
to offer a “health bath” since bottled water is billed to 
be so healthy.

7. Fill your ice tray with bottled water and put toothpicks 
in each cube so that your kids can enjoy a healthful snack 
of bottled water pops. The superior taste of bottled water 
should really be pleasing to the youngsters.

6. Once you drink the water, you can use the bottle in your 
arts and crafts class. Just carve out several wing fins on 
the sides of the bottle and hang it on your porch as a wind 
spinner.

5. Peel off the label and use it as a pre-filled bud vase 
for that single rose you get for your anniversary.

4. Buy a single bottle of water and after it’s empty, 
refill it over and over from your tap and carry it with you 
everywhere so your friends will think you’re high class 
because you can afford all that expensive bottled water.

3. Since a third of all bottled water contains heavy 
metals, find a brand that does and use it as an 
environmentally-safer alternative to bug spray.

2. It makes a great stocking stuffer for health food 
fanatics.

And the number 1 reason to buy bottled water….

1. Your kids will love a bottled water Slip ‘N’ Slide.